He Knows

God knows me.
He knows me better than anyone else. Better than my best friend, than my boyfriend, than my mother. He knows how impatient I get when I’ve nothing to do for too long of a time, and how my hands itch to weave a strand into a stitch or a purl or to fill in bits of knowledge into tiny boxes that are black and white. When he receives his daughter into heaven, I imagine he will have doors and rooms for me in which to spend all of Eternity with my Father. We will knit and learn how to crochet together because of my fear to fail in early years. We will wind yarn into a ball that I can use and put in my stash so I will always have beautiful colors to inspire me for when it becomes cold, which it will for when I wish to sit in a tube and glide down a hill wearing my accomplishments or perhaps the accomplishments of others which warm me with love and care. He will set aside an entire playground that will fit to my size and never break or rust when it rains. It will rain when I need a warm rinse and to splash carelessly in puddles. All the time, He will watch me and smile to know how happy He has made His daughter and how she glorifies Him with her laughter.
And when my day is done when I’m tired and need some tea, He will tuck me in and kiss my forehead and read me a bed time story. I will be next to my forever lover, the answer to all my prayers and we will hold each other until I’m warm and rested and we can breathe each other in for as long as we please since we’ve nothing to do until I need to drag my husband once more to a door as I beg him to spend the day with me. He’ll smile and say “Of course, darling.” Because after all, later I will sit on our couch as he witnesses only the best play a good, hard game. Maybe sometimes they’ll win or lose but we’ll always celebrate together and that’s what’ll matter to us.
That’s why I’m not afraid of when the Big Man says “Come Home” because I will know it’s His time. And if it’s your time, it’s your time, and He knows. He knows me.

A Love Divided

I start a beat with a different rhythm for a song that is familiar to my heart. Leaving who I used to be for a new and better me has mixed the flavors of licorice and vanilla, of coffee and cream. I’m trying to stir in the richness with which I marvel at the beauty of God’s new day and that are humbled by a loving breeze on my skin and in my hair, the sigh that lets me know that I am loved by the Great Creator. Lover of my Soul, my soul yearns to love you with wandering divisions that seek only you but take different paths. Will only your hand be the guidance back into a whole?

My Dear John Letter

**Author's note - Google will not let me add spaces at the beginning of lines. There ARE spaces. :-\ Please let me know, in a comment or e-mail, if you would like to see it WITH the breath.

Dear John,
You never could
keep it in your pants.
Not with my mother,
not with your daughter,
but you never touched
me.
You've never seen your pale skin,
the beautiful peach that I have blossomed.
The Irish I cannot deny
that screams from my freckles,
my hair.
I wish you could see the woman I have become,
the daughter I have produced,
and how she looks just. like. us.
I want to hear about Nora and Rachel,
these inescapable women of whom I cannot get a hold.
They know things about you that even
you could never know.

Dear John,
How has it been
behind those prison walls?
Were you good so you could
see the girls again,
the three you have waiting at home?
Has your heart ever ached
for a girl you never saw,
or could you care less
for a woman that never meant much?

Dear John,
I must go on without you,
but my head will be held high.
I think it's time we started seeing
our own families.
Maybe some day I will finally look upon eyes pale as my own,
but until that day
good bye.

Very, very short

...and the drive was reminiscent of our friendship – beautiful and easy.

Not a letter...

I can only rest with full granted peace in my Father's house. How will sleep ever start if I continue to walk knowingly away from the door? (And more likely, to the gas station across the street to get cheetos instead.)

Coming Soon:

"My Dear John Letter"

It's too emotional right now.. give me a couple days to get it better. Then I'll post it. And you can

Enjoy!

Anonymity at its finest?

Hey y'all!

I'd just like to say thank you for all the comments I've been getting! Very encouraging. I've been noticing a number of anonymous comments since I've gone back and been reading old posts. Some of the comments are anonymous and I don't know if it's one person or a scad of people. If you're anonymous because you don't feel like registering, I totally understand. Be sure to leave some identifying feature, though, so I can have an idea of who leaves what comment. Even some fake name like "reader 46b" is ok.

I'm submitting some pieces to the Lanthorn (my college publication) so that should be fun! I'll let you know if anything gets in. My only one to get in so far (after only 2 submissions, one my freshman year and one last year) is "Learning the Worth of Utter Disaster." Do you have a favorite? If it's not one that I picked, maybe I'll think about putting it in!

Thanks guys :)

Enjoy!